Furthering My Education..

Recently, I have been looking into going to college.. I'm not sure what I want to take or how long I want to go. But, its been difficult finding a college, program, & schedule that will fit me. I'm a little scared about going back to class. I wasn't good at it the first time and it took me forever to get my G.E.D.

Looking into a college I have found a few different choices, I could attend classes at RBC, RVC, & Online.

Rockford Business College is out of the question.. They wanted me to pay over 18,000 out of pocket or loans (HELLO! I have a family.) Rock Valley has its good points and classes that interest me. The schedule just doesn't fit with mine. I don't want to have to leave work early to get to class (I cant afford it.) Online classes have the qualities that I'm looking for. The one thing that gets me is not having a teacher here that I could ask questions to. What if I have a problem that I cant figure out on my own..

So everyone knows that I dropped out of high school and just got my G.E.D last September. Its not that I'm a bad student.. Its that I'm not confident in my self and my work. I'm freaked out about it. I haven't been able to sleep for the last three nights. I keep running all of the options through my head. Its allot to think about. What if i choose wrong or don't do well and what if I'm not smart enough..

I'm going to do something.. I'm just not sure yet!

You Have Got To Be Joking.. A Heart Attack..!

Twelve days after my 24th birthday I had severe chest pains with elevated troponins (aka a heart attack.) That day was just another day for me until then. I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary. I was home alone with my son & we were going through our morning routine. It was the worst pain I have ever felt. I ended up staying the night in the hospital, getting poked and prodded at every four hours. They did an angiogram before the discharged me. That came back completely normal.. Good news on one hand and frustration on the other. We can rule a few things out but, they still don't know why or what caused it.
I had my three week check up with the cardiologist that had seen me in the hospital. He thinks that it was some freak episode.. He doesn't want to look into it any more.. Hes just giving up.! He wants to keep me on all kinds of meds. But forgot to refill them. That doesn't fly with me.. I want answers..! And a competent doctor.
So I have contacted the cardiologist that had diagnosed me with my original heart condition. He also saw my grandfather, grandmother, and uncles. I trust him very much.. I have a appointment next Thursday. I have very high hopes. We will see.. I just pray it never happens again!

Stupid Ass Neighbors..

We just got some new neighbors about 3 weeks ago. They live two houses down from us. We haven't had any major problems with them until yesterday. I had gone out onto my front porch to smoke. I herd some guys laughing so I looked to see what was sooo damn funny.. The two Mexicans men that live there and a boy (about 8 or so) were standing toward the front of there driveway. The men were drinking beer while the boy was running around chasing a little dog (it was maybe 4 months old.) I didn't see what they were laughing about until one of the men had grabbed the little dog, he pinned the dog to the ground, forced its mouth open, and proceeded to poor his beer down the dogs throat. As soon as he had let the dog go it had taken off running. The men stood there laughing because the dog was having a hard time functioning. I shouted "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!" Neither of the men or the child herd me. By that time I was already dialing 911.

I could not believe what they were doing to that dog.. The operator answered and I told her what they were doing. She sounded like she was upset as well. She told me that there was an officer on the way and to keep watch so that they didn't leave. After I hung up the phone I was shaking I was soo MAD.. I could not believe that someone would treat an animal that way..

As the officer was coming down the road they were just letting the little dog back up again and laughing.. He walked up and asked for everybodys IDs. As he was writing down the info, the dog had came over to him. The dog was jumping on his legs then falling because him back legs were giving out on him. The police officer say that there was something seriously wrong with the dog. He had grabbed him and placed him in his squad car. Animal control was called so that the dog could get some medical help and be taken care of.

All in all the little dog was taken away and the STUPID neighbors were ticketed. They have to go to court for animal cruelty.. I hope those assholes don't get that dog back, that they go to jail, and are ordered never to get another dog again. Thank God that I'm not a big man because if I was I would have gone over there and done the same thing to them as they were doing to that dog.. I believe that you should get the same thing that you dish out...

PRE-Cancer...

Earlier this month I had my yearly pap with my gynecologist. Its always awkward and uncomfortable but quick and painless. This year was just like all the others, Except the results. I have had an abnormal pap before when I was sixteen. They and done a procedure called a kopal. Its basically a biopsy of your cervix. It hurt like HELL! (But the results came back normal) Now they wanted me to have it done again. GREAT.. They don't even give you anything for the pain, which is STUPID.... I figured that since I have had one before that I could deal with the pain and it wouldn't be a big deal.. Yes, I was still nervous but I could handle it. It would be just like last time.. They will do the stupid thing, get the normal results back, and I would go on my marry way.. I was WRONG...

I had the kopal done again.. Waited for the results.. Finally the nurse had called me. She started with "I have some news." That is never good! She goes on to tell me there are three stages of PRE-Cancer then Cancer. (Mild, Moderate, Severe, then Cancer) Well I have moderate... Now they want to do something called a LEEP.. As I understand it they numb your cervix. Then FREEZE a cone shape out of the middle of it.. At this point in the conversation I'm freaking out.. Thinking that its going to HURT like CRAZY... (I'm not good with putting my self through VOLUNTARY PAIN!) She asked me when would be a good time to come in and have it done.. (NEVER..!) So I told her that sometime later on this month would work. We settled on the 26th.. (YAY... NOT..!)

I'm really nervous and my mom is so not helping the situation.. (I know shes worried about me..) She keeps calling me just to ask if I'm OK.. (Well yeah I haven't gone to have the procedure yet..) I told her if she calls again to ask before it happens I'm going to turn my phone OFF.. So she hasn't...!

I have talked to a couple of people that have had the LEEP done before and got different answers from each.. So I have no clue what to expect....